ABANDONED

Sometimes when I see babies, my heart just melts. The way they look up with those huge,sparkling eyes into the faces of the people that they will share there world with just drips with the trust that is being formed without them even knowing it. The trust that expects the people behind those faces to love them and care for them and always be there.
It is in that very moment,still as a baby we make the biggest mistake of our lives. We learn to trust. We trust at the first sign of any form of affection or assistance. We trust unknowingly and carelessly. And then we get hurt.
Not everyone who lend us their finger to help us regain balance will offer a hand to hold while we walk the brutal and chaotic path of life. But since we have adopted the bad habit of trusting people in our lives, we expect all that and so much more.
I can believe it has taken me 20 years to figure this out. But better late than never right? TRUST NO ONE. It’s not like I have never had someone break my trust before or fail to meet my expectations. Countless people have given me the pleasure to experience those feelings. Not gonna lie, many of them hurt me beyond repair. But I never lost my ability to trust. I still kept my faith in it and in people. I consoled myself every single time that I chose the wrong people but trust itself is not the enemy.
I was wrong. Today the one person who I had instilled every ounce of my trust in, broke it. Not only did he break my trust, but he broke me. Today my heart believes that trust only Causes pain. If we thought terrorists and boys were bad…lol we need to really look at our emotions. Namely our trust and who we trust. Trust invades our minds,hearts and souls and wrecks havoc. It plays with our emotions and leads us on only to break our hearts in the end. It is the core of the destruction of our outlook on life.
He ripped out a part of me and has left me handicapped. I can never trust again. I expected so much from him. He was supposed to stand by my side no matter what happened. He was supposed to love me and care for me and make sure that nothing took that smile off my face. He was supposed to be my greatest support when I had to keep fighting. But he left me, he abandoned me. He left me out in the cold, freezing. He didn’t care if I would find my way in the dark or not. He just left. I was so silly to think that I was important. I’m no though. There are things far more important. Silly me, silly silly silly me. How could I even imagine the possibility that I was important?
He left me to fight all my battles alone. He told me that I’m in it by myself. That he doesn’t want to be my support. I want to say that I will make it…but right now I feel too broken. And it just hurts.
He left. He’s gone. He abandoned me.

Jan 6 2012